pain as a portal to presence

To be a student of love is not to be void of pain. No. In fact, a devotee of love is thoroughly acquainted.

Pain doesn’t even knock anymore. In fact he skips the pleasantries all together, and comes right in through the kitchen, passed the living room, straight into the bedroom for a cup of tea. The tea is always too hot, or too cold, and he keeps his shoes on the entire time. It’s weird, now that I think of it, pain never sits down either. I suppose that’s because he never intends to stay there for long.

There have been times where I could tell that he was trying to leave, but I was so intoxicated by his presence I could not let him go.

Eventually, with undertones of defeat and frustration in his voice, Pain had to let me down easy (for once), “Honey, those are matters for fear, or maybe doubt. I don’t know, shame might also have an answer for you. I’m just Pain. Can we have tea together? When we are done, I can go.” In an instant I realized Pain’s presence is not what I thought. His sensation is no bliss. Pain is still pain. Though his presence is not a punishment either. Pain is meant to be a teacher, and momentary companion that guides us through friction.

Pain has the remarkable ability to snap us into the present moment.

A reminder to take life minute by minute, second by second, breath by breath.

I sometimes struggle with slamming the door in Pain’s face. Afraid that if I acknowledge him, I am no longer “in alignment” or I am “focusing on the wrong things”- an imbalanced interpretation of “where your attention goes, energy flows.”

IT IS OKAY TO TURN TOWARDS YOUR PAIN

One thing about me, I cannot repress my feelings. I actually cannot. I think it’s a karmic thing that is included in being Analise; and too be honest, it’s actually a blessing. Repressed emotion will not rule my life and I continue to build capacity to hold it all.

Another thing about me is I have felt pain… a fuck ton of it.

And I can attest that pain is a portal to presence and a gateway to deeper love.

Pain guides us to humility- an open connection to the light within us. For it’s the cracks within one’s heart from which the light shines. I like to refer to a broken heart as an open heart.

Pain is only problematic when we misunderstand it.

Shame hurts, but shame is different than pain. Doubt is unsettling, but doubt is different as well. And fear…..fear is a bitch…lol., lovingly Fear, shame, and doubt all thrive with a story. In fact, story is the basis of their existence, their fuel.

Pain doesn’t need a story to exist. Not at all.

Pain is a feeling of few words, and all he asks for is presence.

And to be fair, sometimes that presence is lesser so asked for, as it it demanded. However, those moments, situations, seasons, are highly important for our evolution.

Let pain be pain. Dissolve the association of pain with shame, doubt, and fear. Pain is better felt without the extra diva’s in the back.

Ask Pain questions. Learn from him. Where is your heart cracking? What is the light repairing?

There is medicine in being with pain. It is okay to say it hurts & It is okay to let it.

I love you.